Wednesday, 27 September 2017

On Being a Housewife

Being a housewife was never something I aspired to. Everybody is different, but no matter how many kids I was ever going to have, I was never going to be the stay-at-home parent. Certainly not full time, anyway.

However, now my MA is finished and I am almost finished up in my paid employment, I am in this strange limbo of not knowing where I am. Technically, still employed, almost a full time student on the cusp of beginning my PhD, but I am waiting. I've been told by various people that I should now have a short break before I start, leave the books for a bit and chill out. That's not really feasible for me. I still have three kids, and my husband works full time, so really - when I am home, I am the housewife.

It bores me.

It makes me exhausted.

It is repetitive and completely unfulfilling for me.

When I've dropped the kids off at school:

I do a full shop,
I put the shop away
I do two loads of washing
Clean the house
Make the beds
I bake two batches of healthy snacks for the kids
I build a shoe-rack to de-clutter
I make a roast dinner

When I pick the kids up from school:

The kids wreck the house
They sling their bags and shoes everywhere
They drop crumbs on the floor
They wrinkle all the bed sheets
They don't eat the snacks because they have "green" in them

I sit back, defeated.

I love them, and they love me. But just as I am not 100% of their world, they are not 100% of mine.

Just as they must be fed, looked after, educated, loved, so too do I need all of these things. I am one of the pillars in the house. One of the parents. I am responsible for my children's health and well-being.

I do that better when I have my "other projects." I am more productive, I have more energy, I am happier. I like to achieve, and my achievements are measured by the impact they have on me, my career - I do not count my children's achievements as my own - they are their own little selves. A day of housework is wasted, I will scrub and dust and clean, they will mess it up and the next day I will scrub and dust and clean, and it will always leave me tired and fed up. I will always want more.

I am not a housewife.

I won't feel guilty about this.

*repeats mantra*

No comments:

Post a Comment

What do you think?

Disqus for Wife, Mum, Student Bum