Wednesday, 15 June 2016

The Great Imposter

I sometimes feel like I am an imposter. In all areas of my life. Like I am not good enough in whatever I do, I'm just a faker.
I play a lot of roles and wear a lot of hats. I am a wife, a mother, a worker, a student, a cook, a cleaner, etc. Oh and a ridiculously inadequate  blogger.

In each and every one of these roles I quite often think that I am just a great pretender and that one of these days I am going to get found out. 

I hope it is all in my head. 

Here are some examples of what goes through my head on occasion


When I tell the kids to eat their vegetables, to tidy their toys away, when I read them bedtime stories I think... who is this person? Is this me? It's not me. Someone is going to tell me off for pretending to be an adult soon enough.


When I read theories of socialism, revolution, second wave feminism. I understand it and I wonder how and I thing "oh well EVERYONE understands this" and when I realise they don't I think that maybe I don't after all, and one day real academics will point and laugh at me and say "You don't belong with us MWHAHAHAHAHA!"


Blogging - blogging has brought myself and my family so many adventures. Did I do that? No. I never. I'm just a faker and pretty soon everyone will know and I'll just go back to my books pretending to be clever.



At work. I'm organising events, I am trying to be professional. Pretty soon they'll figure out that I am not professional at all, I'm completely incompetent and I'm just pretending. I know I'm qualified to do my job BUT THAT SLIPS AWAY from my mind as I think I am absolutely just blagging my way through my job.

I try to make our home a lovely home to live in. It's not perfect, it's not always clean but I try. When I make the effort to keep things clean I can smell air freshener and I think who is this great pretender I have become? Pretending to be a fabulous homemaker, tea on the table every night and a kiss for her husband. One day they'll all know that I am just useless at this and pretending to be something that I am not and in any case I'm useless at it anyway.


2 comments:

  1. I think you are just pretty awesome at quite a lot of things - roll with it x

    ReplyDelete
  2. You are each and every one of those people, not pretending at all just doing the best you can with each role you take on!

    ReplyDelete

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