Thursday, 31 March 2016

Dear Kids, From Your Selfish Working Mother

As a working mother, obviously I am selfish. I'm also doing (another) degree.

Double selfish.

Obviously I could never give my kids the time of day that they need. I'm all me me me. Evil, in fact.

So, for my children I have created a post to show them my utter selfishness, evidence of their childhoods as children of a selfish working parent.

Sorry kids x

1.) Christmas Ginger House Making

What we did: Spent around an hour making a ginger construction decorated with icing and Smarties.

Real Motive: I wanted to stuff all of the ginger in my fat selfish face when you weren't looking.

Unlucky, kids

 2) A Holiday in the Lake District

What We Did: Three day break in a lodge in the sunshine, feeding badgers and trip-trapping and swinging in children'a play areas.

Real Motive: Wanted to fob you off for three days on the trip-trap bridge. Spent valuable time watching my favourite animal; the badger.

Sorry kids, you lose.
 3) Dress-up

What We Did: I spent quite a bit of time on outfit-picking, creating witch make-up so you can go out trick or treating.

Real Motive: I love the freezing cold weather me. Love sending my kids to knock on stranger's doors to beg for sweets while standing at the foot of their garden freezing my tits off.

Total winner.

4) Peppa-Pig Visiting

What We Did: I took you to visit Peppa Pig, like a meet and greet situation.

Real Motive: I wanted to take a photo just as you cuddled Peppa, so that it would look like you were being eaten.

Yes. Selfish sweet victory is all mine.

 5) Coronation Street Set 

What We Did: You love Coronation Street. I took you to the studio.

Real Motive: I never watch TV because I spend my evenings reading for my degree, so I wanted to just pretend to be normal for one day.

YES. I am totally normal. And ALL of the selfish.
 6) CBeebies Festival

What We Did: I took you to Geronimo festival to see all of the CBeebies characters perform on stage.

Real Motive: I have a thing for Justin who plays Mr Tumble. Total hotty.

Failed. Didn't cop off with Mr. Tumble. Oh well, 'A' for selfish effort.
 7) Build-a-Bear Workshop

What We Did: I took you to Build-A-Bear Workshop to make you very own teddy bear.

Real Motive: I wanted to buy everything I own except in miniature, it's a weird obsession of mine. Little outfit, little hat, little skates.... mini is the way forward.

Hooray for SMALL selfish acts.
 8) LegoLand

What We Did: We spent three hours walking around Lego-Land checking out all the buildings and playing in kids play areas, which, incidentally, were very loud and busy.

Real Motive: I have a fetish for standing on Lego with bear feet. It hurts a bit, but you know... it's a good kind of pain.

Selfish Weird Lego Fetishes FTW

 9) Father Christmas-ing

What We Did: Oh the annual Father Christmas visit in the grotto.

Real Motive: Father Christmas. What hotty. Also, I wanted to steal your chocolates when you weren't looking,

Christmas winning.

10) Daily Cuddles

What We Do: Always cuddling. Sometimes two of us, sometimes five of us and everything in between.

Real Motive: I'm a cold-blooded kind of person, it's always good to have another human body there to warm up against.

*does evil witch laugh*

1 comment:

  1. Yeah, totally selfish! Especially the cuddling *tuts* But it's OK because if you were a SAHM like me you'd be making a very self indulgent lifestyle choice while also being a terrible role model for your children too *head explodes*


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