“Just dye it then,” I hear you saying. And of course this is the natural way for me to get rid of this natural grey. And replace it with something less aged. But I hate the hairdressers, they take up my time and my money and I don’t enjoy people messing with my hair, scratching my scalp with their talons filed to a point (since when was that in fashion, anyway??) And so, I have a few options for my poor hair. A few that I have tried and quite possibly failed at. Don’t laugh now…
1) Home Hair Dye
Of course. What is wrong with that? Well, generally it stinks and ruins my bathroom, my sheets and my towels. There was also the swollen eye incident a few weeks ago (the less said about that the better.) Also the colour tends to just land on my hair and look flat. Two dimensional. Like I have been tarred but not feathered. Then the greys start to reappear slowly over the coming days, and I back comb and overcomb and cross-comb to try and cover up this grey matter that grows seemingly like fungus without let up or end.
2) Hair Chalk
You know the kind. All the cool kids are using it. Ones who listen to Justin Bieber and cry about Zayn Malik into their pillows. They dampen their hair and chalk it in five different colours, then hold the hair dryer directly to it to seal in this rainbow colour. I bought Emily some hair chalk under the guise of it being a “crazy teen thing” for her. She never bothered with it and I stole the brown hair chalk.
It does not work on grey hair. Grey hair is strong and wirey. A bit of waxed chalk will not overcome your grey friends, trust me. They will win this battle every time.
Hmm. Tricky. Bet you never thought about that did you. I have on occasion resorted to dabbing some brown eyeshadow on my grey hair. I just use a normal eye make-up brush thingy and dust it on. It doesn’t look dusted on though – it looks painted on... or slapped on, if you will. You end up unintentionally painting it on the skin and so it looks like a brown carpet underneath the grey wire sticking out, electrified by your crazy idea of eye shadow as hair dye.
Oh yes we have all plucked those first few greys haven’t we. We have strangled the greying hair in its cradle before it had a chance to reproduce and populate our ever-ageing heads. Only this doesn’t last does it? A year, maybe. For maybe a year plucking was a great method. Now plucking would result in an almighty patchwork head of hair and no hair. This would not be sensible, nor preferable to letting our grey friends take over.
Not a hat person.
And so, dear reader. For all of these endeavors – it seems I must take myself off to the hairdressers. It is the only way. I am going to ask them not to gently blend away my grey, but to ATTACK ATTACK ATTACK IT. Take down the grey and give me back my head, for I seem to have lost it. Especially when applying glittery brown eyeshadow to my perfectly greying temple-hair....