"Sorry I'm busy"
My busy is not your busy and my busy has sometimes messed up everything.
Oh yes I am the BEST multi-tasker that has ever been. I can do a degree, write a blog, work two part time jobs, look after three children, make a tea from scratch and do all the housework.
I can also answer your text with "Sorry I'm busy x"
I can read bedtime stories and acknowledge the heartache of my three year old drinking water out of a blue cup instead of a pink cup, I can hold my two-year old and tell her there are no monsters, and I can untangle a web of pre-teen worries...all at the same time.
But my text response to most adults will most likely be "Sorry love...I don't have the time x"
I can peg out the washing, re-arrange dental appointments, bag up clothes for charity, put my face on for an event at work and come home and iron my husband's perfectly creased crisp white shirt.
But I will forget to ask you how you are. What you are doing. I will not have time to understand, even for a second. It's not that I don't care.
It's true that I literally don't have the time.
But when I think of all the times I have been so busy. All the times that I have not thought on. I think how you might have felt, and then I feel this push inside me and it asks of me what I would have felt. How I would have felt had I made the effort. And I realise that all this time spent being "busy" is the wrong kind of busy...because it is not you who has missed out. It is me.
Nobody has really missed me while I have been gone. It is I who have missed everyone else. This is not cryptic. This is not a guessing game. I have literally been missing from everyone. Nobody has been close because I have not let them because I have not had the time. My busy has ruined a lot of things.
There are too many I's in this post but it is not all about me. It is about other people and me finally realising that I need and want and like to be around them.
And catching up on lost time.
By making time.