Saturday, 20 June 2015

So you're getting married....

My friends are getting married next week. (Can't wait!) And true to form, I thought I might write them a little post about HOW GREAT MARRIAGE actually is. Having been married for (almost) five years now, I consider myself to be a bit of an expert in this field. So - here are many reasons  to get married. I crossed out all the bits that you might not need to know or might put you off....

Pre Wedding

* Wedding planning is a right royal pain in the arse amazing. So many wedding fayres. So many cake-testing, dress-trying-on. So many impossible choices. Do you want an ice sculpture? A bubble machine? A cage to safely store all of the children? So many decisions...

Sample invitation, available to purchase. Prices on request. Cages not included.


* Stag and Hen do's are a must. I had my make-up/hair rehearsal on the day. I looked like a drag queen, but hey - I drank so much wine I can't really remember whether I pulled my fake eyelashes off or they fell off in the meal. 

* You can work together as a team to organise the wedding. It really tests your ability to multi-task is good for your relationship. For our wedding, Warren picked out his suit and ties for the groomsmen while I just cracked on with the rest like a trooper. Bastard.

The Wedding

* You get to eat CAKE. Ours has been on top of our fridge for the past five years. I bet it tastes delicious after all this time. You too can keep your own personal slice of wedding memory. encapsulated in a dusty cake hastily  shoved out the way.

Yep - on top of the fridge with all the rest of the crap


* You get to meet extended family you haven't seen for ages - you know, the usual family members who you might only see at Christenings/weddings. Or alternatively you can meet people for the first time, which is what I did with around 80% of my wedding guests. It's true what they say about the more the merrier. Especially if you have free wine for all your guests  you have a lively family like ours.

* Oh yes, I nearly forgot.You get to say some vows or something. It's PROPER NICE. You can even promise to obey your husband for all your life, and then as soon as the wedding is over and he accidentally stands on your dress, you can BOLLOCK him. As you drink a pint of lager. #stayingclassy.

Post Wedding

* You'll feel great. Married. An extra ring on your finger. And a massive hangover.

* Honeymoon! YAY. Couple of weeks sat on a sun lounger drinking cocktails and bonking. Or you could go to Russia and see Lenin dead in his tomb. Romantic.

* Well, you might want to have children. Children are the future. But they need to be potty trained and they poo on the floor. This is a test of your marriage. Obey your husband when he asks you not to post photographs of him holding children upside down so that they don't stand in their own poop on the floor.



Just kidding. Weddings and marriages and potty training are great.

All the best to anyone getting married this Summer. :)

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