Wednesday, 20 May 2015

Things I DON'T have Time For!!!

So it is exam time. Final exam time *cue Rocky music, running up hills and lifting small families in carts in Russia in the snow* - or something. Or nothing like that. Whichever.

I might be losing my mind but revising for exams is sending me a bit bonkers anyway. I have kids coming out of my vagina ears. It seems the more I tell them to leave me alone, the more they want to take a running jump at my head.

So without delay, (because I simply have no frigging time) here are the things that I don't have time for in my life right now. I apologise. I normally like things but today I hate everyone.

1. Flower Pictures

I haven't ever got time to enjoy flowers. Real ones in a field, yes maybe. Ones plucked from their bed and hanging in their death-bed of a vase waiting to die? No. Flower pictures, you can leave. I hate you.

This took me 8 seconds to do, I promise.

2. Telly

Man came to fix the TV.I don't even know how to use the remote control. I told him not to ask me any questions about the telly and then he starts banging on about aerials and wires and stuff. So I say, quite irritated by this point as he is impeding my reading. (Stupid frigging rhyme does it even make sense??)

"Look - I know nothing about the telly. I never watch the telly. I can't even work the remote."

He looks at me like I am absolutely mental.

"What do you do without the telly?"

I just shrug my shoulders and try to imagine a time when the telly was a "thing."

3. Women on the "Ham Aisle"

I haven't got time for this. Women tend to hover around the ham aisle in Aldi. What is that all about? What is so difficult about picking ham? It's all reformed meat, mashed, stuffed with chemicals and sliced in a delicious natural square shape for you to whack on a butty for your kids with a bit of lettuce.

Just choose which type you want AND GET OUT OF MY WAY.

4. The Game of Thrones Opening Credits


I bloody love these opening credits. *Derrr DERRRRRRRRRR derr der der der der DERRRRRRRRRR*

Tough. Skip past them, fast forward (if I still lived in the 80s and had a video recorder, or just "video" as we used to call it. What do you mean "what's a video?" FFS.)

Warren can skip it to the start, in one go. Talent, that.

5. Blogging

I've just never got enough time to finish anyth-

1 comment:

  1. Ha ha! Oh crud, I'm a ham hoverer, sorry. It's just so confusing. do I want crumbs if I'm just gonna put it in bread? Is 6 slices for £1 better value than 14 slices for £3....


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