So despite my hard exterior and totally 'well hard' and hilarious approach to parenting, I am quite keen to put across the fact that I love and adore my children.
They are the gift that keeps on giving.
Now my undying love and affection is out of the way I would like to list the ways in which the children are not all TAKE TAKE TAKE. They can be quite generous on occasion. Here are the things that my children have given me:
(NB: I'll leave out the nit-episode - I still haven't thanked them for that.)
1. Soggy Crisps
Yummy. Do your children ever lick all of the cheesy goodness off an Aldi Wotsit and then run up to you with it in hand, ready in for you to gobble up? Well if not then you are clearly missing out. Go on, eat it all up, it's only moist when you first put it in your gob - once you start chewing it's all good, I promise.
As an aside, after giving my children a cupcake, I like to look around the house on the floor for any soggy missing bits. I mean, as long as they haven't been trodden on then they are 100% fair game.
2. A Headache
Many many times. Our kids three can be categorised as follows:
All of these things = noise.
And also my children are excellent singers*
*When they sing I want to eat off my own face.
3. Good Company
I can never complain that I am lonely. In fact it is rare that I get a minute to myself.
Not. Even. For. A. Poo.
4. Good Customer Service
If you go to our girl's little wooden shop you can have whatever you want, as long as it makes no sense whatsoever. You could have a fish cooked in a toaster (It always alarms me when they poke at it with the plastic forks - I rant and rave at them like a mad woman telling them how dangerous it is.) They simply look at me like I have completely no understanding of imaginative play.
Also, at the shop, everything costs Twenty Pounds exactly.
No change given.
5. Love. ALL the love
My kids show me they love me every day. Even baby Rosie, who at the minute has the habit of saying
"I love you Kez"
And if that doesn't melt this 'well hard' heart then nothing will.