Sunday, 18 January 2015

Stuff The Kids Say...

Kids talk their own language don't they. Sometimes it's because they can't pronounce the words. Sometimes it's because they are trying to be funny.And sometimes it's just because they are complete idiots.

But it's not just that - their language gradually seeps into your language until you no longer realise what is theirs and what is yours. And before you know it, you are the idiot.

Here are ours:

1. The Cafe

We have a lovely little wooden shop and cafe. All three of them play with it - and you can practically buy anything from it: sausage, egg, a kettle, a tiara. Sausages get cooked in a toaster and everything generally costs £20. It's a bit steep, but you know, tough economic times...

Anyway, Rosie stands behind the counter, and pleased and proud as punch announces 

"Vat did you vant??"

I'm not sure if she thinks that she is German. She doesn't use the "v" in place of a "w" at any other time. Maybe she's just weird. But of course now any time we go to a supermarket or a real cafe or anywhere, I look at Warren and say "Vat did you vant??"

Just can't help it.

2. The PG Tips Toys

You know the ones. When Emily was about 3 she got one. I'm always quite keen on encouraging their imaginations - so I prompt them to name their own toys. When I asked Emily what this one was called, she had a rather dodgy name for him: Bichard.

It's just like Richard but with a "B" really. She didn't swear. So we kept Bichard and we still have him. We went to my Mum's last week and Emily went upstairs and came down holding with my Mum's PG Tips toy that she had recently got free with her tea-bags.

"Oi - that's my Bichard!"

Said my Mum.

See what I mean.....

3. The Boob Issue

The babies "push" my boobs.

Especially Rosie. She grits her teeth and pushes them as hard as she can with all her might. When nothing happens she says "Urgh.... THEY'RE NOT WORKING!!"

Now I don't know what exactly is meant to happen when they press "working" boobs. Maybe they think that they are like a buzzer that you press?

Anyway, if I ever request a boob job I'll tell them I need one because mine quite clearly don't work.

4. Expressing Their Disappointment

So as a rule we are not sweary around the kids. I'll be honest I do let the odd word slip, but we teach them that swearing is wrong. So they don't swear.

However, Emily, when she was about three quickly realised words that were used as a negative and made her own little swear-word up. So, as a combination of  well-worn phrases in our house "Poo" and "Bog All" - Emily came up with this little gem:

So for a while everything in our house that was less than perfect was "Pooey Bogall." People could be pooey bogall, as could inanimate objects that trip you up, a cheese burger with no cheese and Saturday night television.

It's a great phrase, pooey bogall.  You can use it if you like.

5. Who's Done A Poo?

Sorry about the poop in this post.

Having babies aged 3 and 1 means that in the recent past we had two babies in nappies (fun times.) Just the thought of it makes me want to drink vodka. Through my eye.

Anyway, quite often we would get the fragrant whiff of poop around the house. Which one was it? (and probably more importantly whose turn was it to change them - but that's another issue.)

Thankfully, Rosie came up with a great phrase for us One which we still use.

Poo did it?

It's a question. You're asking who did the poo. With the word poo in the question. Time-saving, word-saving and all that.

We use a bit more accusatory than Rosie would, as the rest of us are not really in the habit of pooping in our pants.

But still.... Poo Did It?!!!

* I have just read this post back to myself. It is bonkers. As is our house * 


  1. Poo did it.... Totally stealing this ��

  2. POO DID IT? Amazing. We need a T Shirt with it on!!!!!!! My boy calls his dummy his MiMi. So we do we and then get angry when we ask people to pass us his MiMi and they look at us like we are mental x

  3. I love this bonkers post and your bonkers own language. Totally need that extra second from just saying Poo Done it x

  4. Bonkers, the lot of you, but that's why we love you. Poo Did it is genius. My kids call their PJs 'drombies' and like to play 'naked noodles' at any opportunity. Cringe.

  5. Love it! Poo did it. Brilliant. I can see a coffee table book - 'The Very Versatile Dictionary'... My son Jasper around three changed his name to John. I found this quite confusing. So did he when I used to say to him, "you'll always be Jasper to me John."

  6. Ha ha, we have a few words like this in our house. When people come in a couple, we lose the "and". So "we're off to see Nannie Grandad" or "let's read Charlie Lola". Raisins are yay-yays in our house, as that's what my daughter used to call them. If something is really loud it is loud and loud, or instead of saying "push me faster on the swings" we have "fast and fast". Nothing as brilliant as Poo did it, but terms that the whole extended family use. I love it! x

  7. There should be a whole new language dictionary where any child (or parent) can contribute useful words. We have bitkiss for biscuit, potkiss for pocket but draw the line when it comes to ticket. Even now the kids are older they still refer to people who upset them as bunden-boopys. Wonderful!


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