Monday, 29 December 2014

All the FRIGGING Spam!

Most people have to deal with spam emails. "You have won $111,890,099.0 please send me your bank details immediately..." etc.

That's normal.

But what isn't normal is when I log in to my emails/blog and I realise I have 71,659 blog comments. YAY. think I. Loads of people like me...they really read my shit.

Only to realise that it is just spam. Cold hard spam. Usually I hit the 'spam' button thousands of times, but it's not working, the spam always wins so I thought that here I would share with you some of the Top 5 Spam Comments for 2014, and my most excellent responses to them.


Number 5

In at 5 is Hanford Ann, who I swear is confused about her own name and wants to give me some relationship advice. She says that she "got my ex-lover of my life back" but he left her for another woman - the massive SHIT. So she called this spell caster called Maria who got her "ex lover back within 48 hours"

Boss, Ann. Can I call you Ann? I don't want any ex's back right now but what I would like back are my eyelids - they've sunk a bit over the years and when I put eye-liner on over the top you can't even see it because my skin is sagging (a bit like my breasts.) Can your spell caster bring back my eyelids in 48 hours?

Thanks Ann.


Number 4



I just love that you are called "Annoymous" You are f*cking annoying.


Number 3

Another miracle-worker:

"Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb,cure cancer,and other sickness, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and also spell to get a good paid job so on. He is amazing,"

Is he any good at tiling bathrooms, love?




Number 2 



Oh FFS.

Number 1

In at number one is a spell caster who promises to deliver anything you want.



Do you think he can help me to stop being a dick? If not he can just get the FRIG off my blog and leave me alone.

Frigging spam-knobs.

3 comments:

  1. I have lots of posts from a company selling second hand plastic Vivienne Westwood plastic shoes.

    I must look like a woman who wears second hand plastic shoes.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I get a f*** load of spam. Drives me insane!! x

    ReplyDelete
  3. I like the love story ones. I get loads of them. They must think I am lacking in love. Spammers be cray cray (but slightly interesting which says more about me than them I feel) x

    ReplyDelete

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