Monday, 15 September 2014

People Who Want to Ruin Your LIfe

Life can be challenging and rewarding in equal measure. Sometimes you do good, sometimes not. But it would be a lot simpler if you just had control of your own circumstances wouldn't it. Sometimes there are people who, not matter what, just end up f*cking your life up in one way or another.

But fear not reader, for I have identified that b*stard lot. Listed below are the five types of people who are most likely to attempt to f*ck up your life.

Take this sage advice: avoid. Avoid them like the tranquility and smoothness of the path that is your life depends on it.

1. Estate Agents

Oh yes. These set of complete b*stards. I apologise if you are an estate agent or you know one. Maybe it is just me who experiences 'the bad.'  But anyway, here it is.

They might 'help' you let out your property. For a small fee.

They will definitely never call you back when you ask them where the rent money is. Hell, they might even lose your house keys.

If you are selling a house then they will charge you almost £2,000 to 'help' you. They might also call you to say that someone has put an offer in, and for you not to worry about the finer details because, and I quote: "THEY BUY FROM US ALL THE TIME, IT IS 100% GOING THROUGH"

Then they call you a week later and say "Hmm. We don't hold much hope for them continuing with the purchase."

*bangs head against wall*

2. Hairdressers

So you want your fringe cutting, but you like a short short fringe. Above the eyebrows, bit kooky. Possibly like a German terrorist from the 1970s but you know, that's what you like.

Hairdresser says no.

"You'll look a bit weird."

Who made the hairdresser the frigging style-police anyway?

Or, you say "I'll just have an inch off the bottom please." But Oh-No. Scissor-Happy Sally over there wants you to come out a stone lighter, all hair shed to the floor.

3. Family Car-Parking Space Thieves

You know the ones. In the Aldi - Tesco if you're posh....they just pull right in, no kids, no car seats no bog all. Meanwhile, you're sat in your shitty little fourteen year old Focus, car full of kids, swinging from the rafters like you're the frigging travelling zoo.

Tough luck, love - you'll have to park half a mile away because the div in the Lexus needs to run in to buy pile cream.

Or whatever.

I'm not judgemental at all. Sorry.

4. Road-Work Planners

I'm just talking specifically about the Liverpool-Manchester commute.

I have to set off at half frigging five in the morning because some massive whopper decided that EVERY road I travel on...yes, EVERY - needs re-doing. They are digging up every road - a new bus lane on the East Lancs Road, some re-surfacing on somewhere else, there's a lane closed by Salford Uni.

Just everywhere. Google it if you don't believe me. The Man is a massive melt. Sat there planning roadworks. Literally ruins my life and makes me sad.

I sometimes cry in the car. Do you feel bad now Mr Road-Work-Planner???

What do you mean, No???

5. Radio DJs

Alone in the car on a long and stalled commute, my only friend is the humble radio DJ, their warm, reassuring tones the only light on the long, cold dark road.

Or not.

"Hi Guys....I'm having real problems here.... what was that actor called who played Terry Sullivan in Brookside, you know, he ended up presenting on telly and then got in trouble with the know.... err... it's doin me 'ed in. Text in to 87765-£1 A TEXT to let me know."

Well, Mr Radio DJ.

here you go

Also, when you tell me that you are going to give me an update on the roads - please just let me know. Don't have me sitting through ten minutes of bullsh*t chatter - I'm stuck on the M60, petrol running low, my car is overheating and I've got three kids waiting for me at home. Just frigging tell me what the damage is.

I don't include Chris Evans in this. He is great.


  1. aaaa bloody estate agents, could shoot them all right now!!!

  2. I avoid hairdressers at all costs, same could be said of estate agents as I still live in the first house I bought and have no intention of moving. I would add car salesman to the list as they just generally try and rip me off, I take a bloke in and it's altogether a different story- I am ignored!

  3. ROAD WORKS ARE STEALING MY SOUL. I had a borderline breakdown as the sign aka the law said they'd be finished on Friday. They aren't. And there's another set about 500 metres down the road. And me petrol light was so far on it was horizontal and I had two screaming and crying toddlers. THEY ARE COMPLETE BASTARDS. And don't get me started on hairdressers.......

  4. Urgh, YES to all of these. We have now been 'buying and selling a house' for one third of 2014 and it seems to be beyond everyone's capacity to actually make it happen.

    Jealous of your fringe-cutting skills - the one time I tried it I made a terrible hash of it and had to go get it rescued. So now I just have to turn up every two weeks and bother them for a fringe trim. So annoying.

  5. Thanks for the heads up haha - and the Liverpool/Manchester commute - feel every inch of your pain. Bet your fringe was ace xx

  6. I detest estate agents their stupid prices virtually impossible to rent from an agent these days with their fees. Road works are no big thing to me because I don't drive, charity people on the stret ruin my day, they gvr be panic attacks the basterds same for door sellers and the PTA mums at school blurgh

  7. Family space thieves aaaaaah they boil my *****


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