Thursday, 11 September 2014

Notes on Trying to Conceive (TTC)

Hold the phone. I am not actually trying to conceive, and even if I was then it would be pretty pointless seeing as though we had my husband fixed last year.

But, not too long ago - yes, I did plan my babies. I was a TTC-er. I did all the things that you're meant to do (including have sex!) to get pregnant. I thought it might be nice to write some old notes to the people that in some way witnessed me during my TTC days, and specifically during the time that you wait to see if you have conceived. (The Two- Week-Wait - or the 2WW.)  See, I know the lingo...

Dear everyone

I'm sorry...


1. To The Man Who Looked In His Rear Mirror That Day

Yes, that woman in the car behind you was casually feeling her tits.

She can't help it, you see. She's squeezing her nipples to see if they are sore, just to see if they are sensitive. It's one of The Top Early Pregnancy Signs and she needs to check. Oh yes, she probably did it twice just to be sure. These signs come and go quite quickly and she'd hate to miss it.

Give her a break and don't stare.

*tuts*

Can't feel your own nipples in the privacy of your own erm...car anymore.

2. To My Husband

Yes we have to do it on that day. And that day. And that day. No, we can't do it on THOSE days because you need to build up your fastest swimmers.

No, you can't do THAT in between. No, I'm not being bossy.

*tuts*

"Just do it and stop complaining."


3. To The Woman Who Works In The Pound Shop

Yes I am buying ANOTHER pregnancy test. Yes, this is a pack of two and it's only £1. Don't give me that judge-y look I know your game, missus. I'M MARRIED you know. Yes, I know that you know that I came in last month and bought twelve of these bad boys.

I also know they are only 79p for two in Home Bargains, but I went there on Monday and bought five and they have the same man on the till and he already thinks I am weird and can't look me in the eye.



4. To My Vagina

I'm.

Just.

Checking.

Did you know that there are several different stages to your vaginal secretions during your monthly cycle? It's good to check these so you know what day your on, where you are up to and if you are fertile.

All together now...

"Your put your left arm in...."

etc.



5. To My Own Brain

You are a Peeing On A Stick Addict (POAS- Addict..)

Peeing on sticks to tell you if you ovulated?

Check.

Peeing on pregnancy sticks on the day of your missed period? (And every day for five days previous?)

Check.

Peeing on a pregnancy stick when just finished your period just to check that it wasn't a particularly heavy egg implanting and disrupting the walls of your uterus?

Check.



Trying to conceive (TTC if you need me to repeat the lingo so you get it) can be a bitch of a time. You try your hardest, you obsess, you chart, you have sex.... then you wait. And sometimes that wait just ends in a period and then you have to start all over again.

It's maddening and you feel like you're going crazy - but eventually it happened.

Good luck and baby dust to those trying for babies, hope this made you smile :)

16 comments:

  1. Great post. So glad that with us it just kinda happened! I did manage to pee on sticks wrong and break them though...! x

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    1. Ha ha. We didn't try for too long, but we did the whole 'trying' stage and it is hard. I feel for couples who try for a while, it sends you bonkers after a bit x

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  2. Haha great post as always. The wife came off the pill and was pregnant pretty much straight away, which meant we didn't have to go through the trying stage! She also bought 2 for a £1 from Poundland - good job she did as she pissed on the wrong end of the first stick!

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    1. Ha ha - tests can be quite confusing! :)

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  3. Brilliant! This made me laugh out loud. TTCing is on hold here but I definitely can remember doing most of these.

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  4. LOL I didn't realise I was a TTC'er! 8 poundland tests in the last 6 weeks...and mostly I can't seem to pee on the right bit for the requisite period!!! such a shocker after our first which wasn't planned x

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  5. Am I the only one who always managed to piss on my hand and not the actual stuck? Anyone? No?!

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    1. Ha ha I definitely think you are not alone in that one! x :)

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  6. This really made me smile...I've recently started sharing our fertility problem over on the blog and it was so refreshing to read the funnier side to it rather than the serious sad side...! Love it! X
    www.missenchanting.co.uk

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    1. Thanks lovely. It can be a serious issue and I can only imagine how hard it must be to have fertility problems. We are very lucky that we managed it and I hope that all the effort and bonkers-testing does eventually end in 'sticky beans' for people who are trying :) x

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