Tuesday, 16 September 2014

Money Worries and Fart Jokes

You might know that I have a house for sale in Manchester. I write a lot about this.

But I live in Liverpool, and pay a mortgage on my old house as well as council tax. It is all very boring and I am so very tired of it. My wages equal the cost of the house that I don't live in. A few weeks ago we had an offer - a low, rubbish offer, but an offer none-the-less. I consigned myself to the loss, consoling myself with 'it will all be done by Christmas.'

And this week I found out that the sale is not going ahead.

What do you do when you are in a hole you can't get out of?

Me, I laugh it off and hide away. Pretend it is not happening. Make fart jokes and play with the kids. Or sink further into the hole.  I am either very much up, or very much down with this. For now I am down. I complain and cry. And think of ways to save money.

To save the money that I don't have.

We could use a voucher for Tesco to get money off.

Should I get an evening job?

Maybe I could get a second job in the new Tesco being built.

Can I work any more hours?

What if I got a job working nights as well as days?

My money worries escalate in my mind and I suddenly find myself worrying about what will happen when the actual worry of money is dissolved. When the house is sold and I can finally have some money in my pocket again - how do you change a mindset that has been honed and fostered for all his time.

Will I be mean, moaning and stropping around? Complaining about the slightest thing because I actually have a hole in my shoe and need to buy new ones?

Will I naturally head straight to the short-dated food in a bid to cut costs?

Money in my purse, will I still tell my children that they can't have an ice-cream from the ice-cream van because it is six for a pound in Iceland?

Will I still shout and complain when one of the kids uses too much water to shower, or heaven forbid squirts a full bottle of shower gel into their already-soapy bath? Will I cry at the waste?

Will it play on my mind that the I bought washing-up-liquid for 79p when I could have had two for 99p at the shop down the road but the kids were playing up and I needed to get home?

Will it still cross my mind that I need to rob Peter to pay Paul to keep the wolf from the door?

Will this frame of mind ever be gone, will I ever be free and out of this hole?

And, as quick as a flash. These worries about my mindset disappear. Because it is 5am, I am stuck in this hole and the alarm is going off - I have to set off for work and I have no money in my purse and nothing to show for any of the hard work that I do, no matter what day it is, no matter what I do.

It's 6.30pm and I phone home to say goodnight to my children - I swallow the lump in my throat and think about something funny to write about.

Fart jokes are always a good place to start.


  1. I can't believe no-one has commented on this. It's not really funny is it? Oh I really feel for you. Not sure if you know, but I work in a bank and money is my 'thing'. We were in a lot of debt for years and I can completely relate to this, trying to save pennies when they wouldn't even dent the pounds we had to find every month.
    Is your Manchester house being rented out? x

    1. It was being rented out but not now, we are trying to sell it. We might have to look into renting it out again x

  2. Oh bless you Kerrie - money worries are the worse. Wait until you are an epic high powered business person from your degree and amazing blog - then you can buy Iceland. Bloody house - hope it sells soon. xxx Where are the fart jokes then? xx

    1. Fart jokes make me feel better anyway Alison :) It will sell eventually and then I'LL LAUGH AT ALL THE FART JOKES ALL THE TIME. Maybe :) x

  3. Another fab post Kerrie, not funny but funny. Found this to make you laugh
    Q: What did the maxi-pad say to the fart? A: You are the wind beneath my wings.

    source: http://jokes4us.com/barjokes/fartjokes.html


What do you think?

Disqus for Wife, Mum, Student Bum