Wednesday, 22 January 2014

5 Early To Work Things

I don't blog about work. I like my job. I realise I am lucky. I usually get in work for around 7am. This is great for me so I can leave a bit earlier, but I still have all the quiet time in the morning to get through a lot of work.

So it's all cool.

If you start work as early as me (you're bonkers) here are some fantastic helpful life hints to set you on the right track.

Let's hear it for 5.30am get ups!


Booo.

1. The Darkness

Are you scared of the dark? Tough luck, sweet cheeks. You are setting off for work when it is dark, and then coming home from work when it is dark too. Just get used to it. Want a torch? Don't do it, you will look like an idiot, and besides you'll be fine.
Unless your husband decides to come out to the car to tell you you forgot your phone, you've got your back to him as you fiddle with the key in the car door. You hear footsteps, turn round in the pitch black.

"ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

It's not a ghost. It is in fact your husband.

He's wearing your pink fluffy dressing gown. In the dark. Handing you your phone.

Nice one, knobhead.

You could get annoyed at this, or you cry all the way to work with laughter. From erm...experience, I'd say go with option b. Nutcase.


2. The Roads

The roads will be nice and quiet at this early hour. Do you think that it is safer? No, it's not. There is ALWAYS someone in a fast car who wants to go forever faster than you. Relax, it's 5.30am, you have plenty of time to get to work.

Let them overtake you.

And then roll up to the traffic lights on red alongside them, flick the gear stick into second as the lights change, and over take the pillock.

It's the little things people, the little things.

3. Parking Your Car

What a beautiful sight to behold. An empty multi-storey car park. Are you rubbish at reversing? Do you just NEVER attempt reversing because you will be embarrassed at how bad you are?

Great.

It's 7am, there is no one about. Just pull forward into the spot directly outside the door. No reversing, no messing about. Watch out for small, almost invisible dividing posts.
If you catch your car on one of them you are absolutely going to scratch your car to shit. Or if you are in your husband's car, then you are going to scratch his car to shit. Have I done this?

Maybe...

4. Mid Morning Slump

Around about 11am your body is going to be so tired. You will have done LOADS of work because it was so quiet from 7am. FIGHT that urge to nod off. You must re-charge. Go for a walk, or make some office gossip up. Leave your desk for ten minutes and get moving. Go on the dinner time health walk. If you ask really nicely the woman might let you wear the high vis tabard with "WALK LEADER" plastered across the back. Again this is something I may or may not have done...

5. Home Sweet Home

By now your eyes are rolling in your head. Knackered. Shattered. Pooped.

But you still have to drive home, soldier, suck it up.

Glass of water before you leave. Coffee in a travel cup.

Motorway eyes drooping? Simply slap yourself in the face for five miles.

It works...

9 comments:

  1. Some very valid points there ;) I'm a 6.30am riser for work but none the less, its still dark when I leave, dark when I get home...the travel mug is filled before I leave and refilled for the journey home! Unfortunately I still hit the city traffic but I've got my travel mug and a mixed cd to get me through it :)

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  2. Lol Kerry you are so funny!! Have you really worn the walk leader tabard?? We need a photo :)) x

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  3. Amy @2boys1mum22 January 2014 15:44

    I second the need for photographic evidence of a walk leader tabard! Also, what is it with men and their wives dressing gowns?! Even if they have their own masculine brown towelling one they "just happen to grab" the pink and fluffy don't they?!

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  4. WifeMumStudentBum22 January 2014 20:47

    Too true. I missed my chance on the photograph - gutted! x

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  5. WifeMumStudentBum22 January 2014 20:48

    My work mates actually said "Shall we take a photo for your blog?" but I declined because well, I looked a bit erm...VISIBLE. I should deifnitely go for the photo next time. I can constantly volunteer, be ace x

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  6. WifeMumStudentBum22 January 2014 20:48

    Travel mug and mixed CD is essential! ;) x

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  7. hahaha! I struggle to get up for 7.15am to get the kids to school! I am not a morning person....lol

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  8. Winston O'Boogie22 January 2014 20:56

    Maybe his dressing gown was in the wash because the baby had vomited all over it.

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  9. Love it. We need tabard proof. Great post. x

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