Wednesday, 23 October 2013
All the Best Mums...Have Tissues
Strange title for a post, I hear you say. But you know what, it's true. All the best mums carry tissues around with them, like these ones pictured. Now these ones are from Home and Bargain and they cost 5p. Yes, five English pence, no kidding. No, I'm not being paid to promote these 5p tissues - I just wanted to write a few reasons as to why all the best mums carry tissues. So here we go.
#1 Snot-Nosed Kids
Remember when you were in your late teens and went shopping with your mates. Remember when you used to see all the scally mums with their snotty kids? You used to tut and shake your head, thinking 'I wish they'd wipe that kid's nose.' You with me? Now you are the mum and you have the kids with the snotty noses. Yes, reader this is too true. All kids are snotty, they all winge and moan and emit runny stuff from their noses. Tissues are the answer, carry them always.
#2 Pee Pee
No I don't mean when you sneeze or cough. (Come on ladies - this is common right...right?...) Anyway we've all got caught short in some bad public toilets with no toilet tissue. Well guess what - you have some. YOU WIN. Wipe and win ladies, wipe and win.
#3 Badly-Made Tables
Because you have kids, you're not likely to go to any classy eating establishments. There's no way you would run the risk of disrupting a whole restaurant full of working-lunchy types. So, the places that you go may be a little lower on the posh-eating end of the spectrum. And the tables? They are wonky - they rock as you try and feed your little ones the yummy monosodium glutamate-filled fodder. But you know what - you have a tissue! Fold it and put it under the wonky leg. SCREW YOU BADLY-MADE TABLES!
As a mum you may feel emotional at times. And I don't really mean when there is something worth crying about. Since you have kids your emotions are probably all out of whack. Have you seen the Cow and Gate advert? "Mums - you're doing a great job." Boo hoo! GET THE TISSUES OUT YOU SOFT GET.
#5 Take Note
Remember when you were younger and you used to write boy's telephone numbers on the back of your hand or on a tissue you found in your bag?
Well, forget that.
You'll be writing the time of the baby's injections on the back of your tissue, the the telephone number of the plumber, lists. Always lists of stuff that you need to buy for the house. Have tissues? Have an organised house.
So...that's why all the best mums...have tissues.