Saturday, 31 August 2013

The End of My Baby-Making: It's All Over

So, the time has come where I can now say that I am officially not having any more children. My husband has gone ahead, as discussed at great length, and had a vasectomy. Even the word makes me feel 'urgh.' As you know, we have our three girls, and couldn't be happier with them. I wrote about the birth of baby Rosie on this blog previously and I have always said that we do not want any more children. Three is
enough.

More?

However, each time I have thought about this I have always had it in the back of my head that one day, I may have more children. I make a pretty decent mum, I love my kids and although I don't always have the best pregnancies in the world, I do adore newborn babies. There's nothing quite like cuddling a newborn to calm their little lamb-cry, the sweet smell of their head resting against your breast and their complete innocence and dependency on you to love and take care of them.

The Baby-Making Years...

But now the vasectomy is done and that is it. It is definitely the right decision for us, I know it. But at this moment in time I have been feeling a little sad, it really does feel like the end of an era. The end of a chapter in my life - the baby-making years. I've been thinking about the stages of life, of my life, and mine and my family's life together. The baby-making years were definitely a part of my life that I will absolutely look upon and cherish.


Pregnancy and birth definitely has to be a the most special time in a woman's life. It really is amazing to feel that little unborn life inside you. Wriggling away, the life you created with your body - it's truly awesome, in the real sense of the word.

Decision Time

Before we decided to go ahead we did talk about this thoroughly. Sometimes you have to think with your head and not your heart, and certainly not your biolgical clock tick-tock-tick-tocking telling you to make more babies make more babies, or the 'oooh we might have a boy' thoughts. We discussed the options and the list of reasons not to have babies was just overwhelming.

* Finances - Have you seen the cost of childcare?? I literally could not afford to ever go back to work if we had four kids in nursery or after school clubs
* My career - I do have high hopes about everything, I love my job and time out can only slow me down - how can I prove my worth if I'm not there?
* My studying - If you've read my pre-exam rants then you'll know how important my education is to me, and how much I do try my best to juggle my kids, work and uni.
* My health - I suffered with SPD with Alice. I was terrible, in fact my hips are still not right. You can read about that here
* Space - we have no room for another - we would have to move house and get a bigger car - again this comes down to finances

So we had a massive amount of reasons not to have more children. The thought of accidentally falling pregnant terrified us, so we made the correct decision to just end this chapter in our lives.

Getting Old

I never thought that I would have three children and be happily married at 31. Never mind closing this chapter in my life. My hair is getting grey, my knees creak when I get off the couch, and my eyes are more wrinkly than I'd like. Thoughts have been bugging me the past couple of days Is this it? Is this my life starting to wind-down? Even my hair is just giving up growing brown - what is WITH that??

A New Chapter


Then I woke up to myself and realised I'm not in an American romantic epic blockbuster. It's just life. People age, and the alternative is kicking the bucket, so I should just get on with it. I can wear make-up to cover my cracks, dye my hair brown and best of all, I can get my body back. I have the rest of my life to look forward to with my husband and my kids. Just because I am not having any more kids does not mean that I haven't got shit stuff to do.

I am still one busy motherfrigger!

It is time to move on from newborns. I have a whole world of infant/toddler/tween/teenage problems to see to. This is a new chapter in our lives, and all five of us are living it together, with just the right amount of balance for our family. The kids keep us young and on our toes - and we have our hands just full enough for our preference.

This post has made me feel much more positive about my kids and this new chapter. You know what I'm looking forward to? Emily taking me out to the pub for a pint...



17 comments:

  1. Love this! I am the same, these will be our last, I fought for the pregnancy and hubby is adamant he wants the snip after. I know it is the best decision but still part of me is upset by it and struggles to accept it. I am glad there are other people out there that feel the same, perhaps if it is just part of life and a stage we need to accept I can see it as like that big step from school to work and something that everyone does. So in that case, so can I.

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  2. The comment about your hair giving up growning brown really tickled me!

    Great post, and your right, on with the next chapter of your life!

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  3. WifeMumStudentBum31 August 2013 at 22:20

    It is a scary thing - but also quite free-ing as well. Aww you have all the newborn loveliness to come! x

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  4. WifeMumStudentBum31 August 2013 at 22:20

    Thank you x

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  5. Thank you for sharing this post - it touched a real nerve with me and I know it will with many others. :-)

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  6. WifeMumStudentBum31 August 2013 at 23:20

    Thanks for the lovely comment x

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  7. Great post - i have 2 boys and am undecided if we should stop there or have just one more. I just don't think i am ready to accept i will never be pregnant or give birth again - i blame all the midwife/birth programmes ;)

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  8. You're still young, but as you have three children already, I think you've made a wise and practical decision.

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  9. It's such a bittersweet decision. My husband had categorically decided no more ever. I know logically and practically it makes sense but doesn't stop the heart wanting.

    A lovely poignant post that I enjoyed reading.

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  10. My OH keeps saying '3 is the limit, the third is definitely the last' and a little voice in my head says to me...'but surely, there's always room for ONE more'.



    Like you, thinking about it rationally I know it is best to stick at three - like you say, bigger house, bigger car, childcare...and he is from NZ which is already a struggle to visit due to the massive cost of flights for all of us.



    I think it must just be a biological thing that drives us. I do find it wierd thinking of no more nappies, buggies, tiny little babies sleeping on my chest. But I'm sure the milestones ahead will be just as fun. Won't they...?


    PS. I found my first grey hair the day I turned 30 - happy birthday to me! Was actually quite excited, in a weird way!

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  11. WifeMumStudentBum2 September 2013 at 11:24

    Ha - you're probably right. Plus, if you around it seems like EVERYONE is pregnant!

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  12. WifeMumStudentBum2 September 2013 at 11:24

    Thanks xxx

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  13. WifeMumStudentBum2 September 2013 at 11:25

    I think you've hit the nail on the head with it being bittersweet. x

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  14. WifeMumStudentBum2 September 2013 at 11:26

    I'm looking forward to the milestones! We've packed away our bottle warmer now - Rosie has cold bottles - next to go will be the moses basket. All this extra space! I may have my living room back at some point! YAY.

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  15. It's the end of an era but the start of a new stage too. I won't have any more now either, it does feel strange at times.

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  16. It's such a difficult decision to make. I used to always want 3 children but as time ticks on I think I'd just be happy with 2 little ones now. If I was a bit younger I might have wanted more.

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  17. Love this! I am the same, these will be our last, I fought for the
    pregnancy and hubby is adamant he wants the snip after. I know it is
    the best decision but still part of me is upset by it and struggles to
    accept it.
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