Sunday, 23 June 2013

How To Be a Music Video Hoe

I got the idea for this from, well...everywhere. It seems lately that everywhere you look there is the return of the 'video hoe.' Now I use that term loosely (ahem) because we all know that the word 'hoe' is awful and women calling other women 'hoe' or any other term is just ridiculous, live and let live and all that. Everyone has layers. Wait, wasn't that on Shrek???

So anyway, I wanted to see what it would be like to be a music video hoe, how do you do it, and what would it feel like to be a music video hoe for a day?

There are plenty in this Robin Thicke #blurredlines video, so I took a lot from here, including the lyrics, which are, of course, a fine example of literary genius and an exemplar model for my children to aspire to.  Possibly. You should listen to it as you read, makes me look more hoe-like and SEXY.

I could have done with some more video hoes, one is not enough but I just can't get the staff. Anyway, here are my results, in PICTURES.

"OK now he was close, tried to domesticate you..."

Domestic is my middle name, sweet

Well and truly domesticated


"But you're an animal..."

OK sometimes I look like a damn hamster, no need to get all personal with it.


Or a hoe ANIMAL with a power tool...well, a hammer, whatever


 "Girl you don't need no papers..."

Why did I even bother with my education??

"I always wanted a good girl..."

Getting Star of the Week is pretty good, right?


A good girl hoe

"You know you want it..."

What, chocolate??

Want WHAT exactly? Even though I'm a hoe I need you to be more specific please


 "Must wanna get nasty..."

Like binning the kids toys nasty???

That's right, even Alice's baby - NASTY

Or hoe nasty???



"What do we need steam for? You the hottest bitch in this place..."

Well of course I am, I'm boiling, I've been scrubbing this place for the past hour. Also, steam helps with the cleaning. Derr....

Or hoe bitch hot??

"What do they make dreams for, when you got them jeans on?"



Well being a music video hoe is certainly liberating. I got to walk round all day a sexy dress, and shove so much make up on my normal face so that it looked like another face, possibly a better face. And what do I think? Well, I could get all feminist about it, and in essence I am, but it was good fun. And what we should learn from this is that if you want to be a music video hoe, then be a music video hoe. And if you already are, then good for you.

However, I'll think I'll give Robin Thicke and Pharrell's offer of liberating me a miss. Thanks for the offer lads, but I'm just too fricking busy for that shit.

If anyone wants to PAY ME to be in a music video as a hoe, then you erm....well, you just should because I would be ACE. Probably.

What did you think of this post? What will become of me, will I run away from domestic life and actually be a music video hoe? Answers on a postcard, and follow me to see next week's edition that involves Warren recreating the video for 'I'm Sexy and I know it' ....


  1. I like this post!
    We all aspire to be a video hoe, right?!
    I actually cannot get enough of this song right now, and have a wee bit of love for the pocket sized Pharrell *swoon*

    1. I wish I could be one every day, it was great fun pretending for a few hours ha ha! It is a catchy tune, and you are right about Pharrell - did you know he is 40? He has a little cute baby face!


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